How to practice empathy?

I was recently having lunch with a friend mediator who shared with me that his empathy towards clients has grown over the years thanks to years of experience of going through the process of understanding a client's personal situation and emotions. Empathy is one of the principal skills you need as a coach, mediator, or therapist.

According to the American Psychology Association Dictionary, sympathy refers to “feelings of concern or compassion resulting from an awareness of the suffering or sorrow of another.” and empathy refers to “understanding a person from his or her frame of reference rather than one’s own." 

How to recognise the difference?

When a friend is hurt, after something bad happened to them, you feel sorry, and you are quick to say so. This is an expression of sympathy, which is a superficial understanding of someone’s situation. 

But do you really think it through? Do you understand their feelings? Empathy involves taking time to sit with your friend, listen to them and understand their feelings from their point of view.

When we practice empathy, we dive into the depths of their emotions and envision ourselves in their situation. It's not about how we feel about what happened to them, but rather about pretending to be in their situation and feeling what they are feeling.

So how can you practice empathy with friends?

✅ Learn how to read non-verbal cues

✅ Instead of giving unsolicited advice, which is an act of sympathy, put yourself in their situation and try to imagine what they need.

✅ Practice active listening by asking questions, trying to understand how your friend feels and validate their feelings.

✅ Self-reflect on how your conditions shaped your beliefs, values, judgments, and perspectives

✅ Learn about your own emotions and how to identify them.

As a coach (and a friend 😊), I strive to be empathetic and try to step out of the comfort zone of my own beliefs and perspectives.